Hell, I never vote for anybody. I always vote against.  "W.C. Fields: His Follies and Fortunes"

"Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it."

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." George Bush, 2006

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''  2001

Sarah Palin: Finally, a presidential candidate that could double as a Fox News anchor

Texas Governor Ann Richards on Republican gerrymandering in Texas. "They have carved up this state like a nonunion meat cutter working on a one-legged turkey."

Mrs. Richards also famously said, "George Bush was born with a silver foot in his mouth".

"Some people earn status, George Bush got it for a graduation present".

"For a century and a half now, America and Japan have formed one of the great and enduring alliances of modern times." Bush in Tokyo 2002

"I do remain confident in Linda. She'll make a fine Labour Secretary. From what I've read in the press accounts, she's perfectly qualified." 2001



"My job is a decision-making job. And as a result, I make a lot of decisions," George Bush said

"Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't, Margaret Thatcher said

 Laughter the Best Medicine    Quote Me

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
"Grapes are purple."

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the elephants!"

What did Charles de Gaulle say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Voila les elephants!". (is this an old George joke or what?  + Nicolas Sarkozy said just isn't the same)

What did George say when he she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the grapes!" (Color is one of George's  impairments.)


Join the "George Bush Book of the Month Club" .. & receive  a new Bible every month.

The George Bush library will be rather small .. only 1 book .. the bible.



"Doctor's concluded that the president's fall hadn't done any damage when he appeared confused and disoriented." -Craig Kilborn

"George Bush recently said the he believes in global warming .. as a result,  now I'm not sure" ~ Lewis Black, December 2007

"I hate to say it, but George Bush is a dope.  Bush appears to have a personal don't ask, don't tell the truth policy on intelligence" ~ Mike Barnicle, "conservative" talk show host.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.~ Will Rogers

"President Bush said today that when he was told Saddam Hussein had been captured he was up at Camp David reading a book. I don't know what's the bigger shock, capturing Saddam or finding out Bush was reading a book." - Jay Leno

Clinton Jokes    Political Jokes   Elephant Jokes    Lawyer Jokes   Tobacco is No Joke



"When Fascism Comes It Will Be Wrapped In A Flag And Carrying A Cross"~ Ron Paul (quoting Huey Long)

"George Bush does not make decisions based on facts  ...Bush creates facts based on beliefs" ~Hillary Clinton

Any clod can have the facts ...having beliefs is an art. ~Karl Rove, The Architect

George Bush Books

Nov. 11, 2007: Bush actually said, "If you kill people to achieve a political objective or to advance an ideology, you are nothing but evil."  (he's totally detached from his reality?)



you'll see by his grave, on the stone that remains

carved next to his name, his epitaph plain

"only a pawn in their game" ~ Dylan, '63

"I got a lot of Ph.D.-types and smart people around me who come into the Oval Office and say, `Mr. President, here's what's the fact demonstrate.'

And I listen carefully to their advice.

But having gathered the device (sic), I decide, you know, I say, `This is what we're going to do.'

"And it's, `Yes, sir, Mr. President.' And then we get after it, implement policy."




Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. ~ Robert Frost (1874-1963)

The Joke Book Store

.. 80 Joke Books

  • This week Condi issued stern warnings to the Iranians and Syrians.  Condi warned them to control their combined 4000 miles of border with Iraq .. or else.

  • Good luck, we canít stop them from crossing the border from Tijuana. ~ Jay Leno

A small mind is obstinate. A great mind can lead and be led. ~ Alexander Cannon



January, 2008: From the late night talk show comedians

Re: Hillary's reported Plastic Surgery: She's so good looking now that Bill hit on her by accident last night.

The head of the state's leading gay-rights group said Hillary Clinton is a disappointment on same-sex marriage.

  •  Today Bill described her as a disappointment in opposite-sex marriage.

According to a poll, 60% of Americans saying they would be comfortable with Bill Clinton as a First Husband.

  • 71% of women say they'd be extremely comfortable with him as a second husband.

If fascism ever comes to America, it will come wrapped in an American flag. ~Huey Long

  Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the decision maker

A White House spokesmen said he fell because it's been raining a lot and the top soil is loose.

  • We went ahead and looked up the rain for real in Crawford, Texas. May 15th, 0.0 inches of rain. May 16th, 0.0 inches of rain. 17th no rain. 18th, 19th, 20th, 21st, 22nd, and 23rd no rain.

  • First he chokes on a pretzel; now he fell off his bike.

  • Mr. President, when are you going to admit that Laura is abusing you? There is no shame in being a battered husband."

  • - Jimmy Kimmel

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies. ~ Groucho Marx

above '04   below '07

Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich questioned President Bush's mental health.  "I seriously believe we have to start asking questions about his mental health."  He's totally out of mind or real f'n stupid!

The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far .. we will walk carefully ..

    Bush is like Borat .. only not funny

Any fool can tell the truth, but it requires a person of some sense to know how to lie well.


"When they caught Saddam Hussein, he had more than $750,000 dollars. When he heard this, President Bush immediately invited Saddam to a fundraising dinner" - Conan O'Brien

"Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control."  - Jay Leno

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best. - Will Rogers

If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. ~ P. J. O'Rourke

 "President Bush said today he wants U.S. troops to pull out ó of each other." -Jay Leno

"President Bush said last night that there'll be a new president in Iraq. In fact to give him a chance, they're going to give him a 30-second head start."

"He also said that Iraq will have two vice presidents. See that's when you know that they don't expect the president to last that long ó when they have a back up guy for the back up guy." - Jay Leno

"President Bush says an interim president in Iraq should be selected in the next two weeks. Apparently there's not a lot of interest in that job right now." - Jay Leno

All the people like us are we, And everyone else is They. Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)

Science passes through three stages.

  1. First, it is ridiculed.
  2. Second, it is violently opposed.
  3. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.    Arthur Schopenhauer (1788-1860)

George Bush believes kangaroos are native to the Mideast.

George Bush believes the Grand Canyon, the north rim is at elevation of over 8000', was formed by Noah's Flood.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." - Winston Churchill

Stephen Colbert for President .. The bi-party candidate.  Please note this is not the Larry Craig Bi-Party

If anyone in the history of man has deserved to rot in George Bush's god's hell .. Bush & Cheney deserve that fate.

Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.

Trust, but verify. Ronald Reagan

"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes.

& Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Bumper Sticker


 "The Bush administration renewed its call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. So I guess they feel the only time that guys should be on top of each other naked is in an Iraqi prison."-Jay Leno

It is true greatness to have in one the frailty of a man and the security of a god. Seneca (3 B.C. - 65 A.D.)

o John Kerry said, "a vote for Ralph Nader is a vote for George Bush."

o Duh-ba-yah said, "U'm vutin fur Rolf Nadah den!" - Jay Leno

Did you hear about this? President Bush fell off his bicycle this weekend. Whatís really sad, it was a stationary bike. - Jay Leno

"He didn't say that. He was reading what was given to him in a speech." Richard Darman, director of OMB, explaining why President Bush ( # I ) wasn't following up on his campaign pledge that there would be no loss of wetlands.

Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them. ~ Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)

Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them. Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

Thank you for coming out on such a warm day. Ninety degrees here in Los Angeles. People were sweating like Donald Rumsfeld trying to explain his battle plan. ~ Jay

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."

"You can't get ice cream out of shit ... I don't care how much you stir."

If you find yourself in a fair fight, you didn't plan it properly. Nick Lappos

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)

Well done is better than well said. Benjamin Franklin (1706-1790)

You can't shake hands with a clenched fist. Indira Gandhi

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.",Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

Power always has to be kept in check; power exercised in secret, especially under the cloak of national security, is doubly dangerous.~ William Proxmire

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

you might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap .. you actually know what kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper ..  .. your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting... your muffler is held on by a coat hanger. .. going to the bathroom in the of middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.