Country Song Titles

I Took 3 Bennies & My Semi-Truck Won't Start

Fat women in trailers .. conceive well ..  & feed their children well ~ Doyle & Debbie

She's the same kinda crazy as me ~ Delbert McClinton

If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away. I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You I Liked You Better Before I knew You So Well. I'll let you be in my dream, if I can be in yours ~ Bob Dylan, circa 1963

The Willie Nelson Music Store The Oak Ridge Boys: "No One Wants to Play Rhythm Guitar In Jesus' Band (they never get to sing)" I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling. Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head). She's Actin' Single And I'm Drinkin' Doubles. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.  I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here. "You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin. You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly. you might be a redneck  .. if you've ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle. . or ..  you are allowed to bring your dog to work...  if you can take your bra off while driving .. or if the directions to your trailer include "turn off the paved road."

"'twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it." - W. C. Fields. She's Looking Better After Every Beer. It's never quite the same when you're sober, is it?~ Al Bundy If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.  I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run So We're Even. Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye

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And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning." - Winston Churchill, replying to Bessie B. who told him he was drunk. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win. Put the o back in Country ~ Shooter Jennings (Waylon's son)   After my dog ate the garlic toast his breath was worse than his bite Texas Attorney: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods? Medical Expert: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Why don't you come up and have a little scotch and soffa.

"Drink Beer! It removes unsightly flab and wrinkles ! (on the person you're looking at, if you drink enough of it)"

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud.

"An average of two rodent hairs per one hundred grams of peanut butter is allowed." - FDA guidelines.

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

• An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"

• "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"

What did George say when he she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the grapes!" , Color blind is one of Georges Impairments.

A hard man is good to find. ~ Mae West

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

you might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap .. you actually know what kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper ..  .. your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting... your muffler is held on by a coat hanger. .. going to the bathroom in the of middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.

Q: WHAT SHOULD U GIVE A MAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING?
A: A WOMAN.  TO READ THE DIRECTIONS &  SHOW HIM HOW TO WORK IT

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