Ask a 'biblical christian', "How did kangaroos get to the ark?"

Country Song Titles .. In Twang We Trust ..  This page is dedicated to the Poet Lariats that brighten our days

A Sioux Named Boy ..           I Took 3 Bennies & My Semi-Truck Won't Start

She's Actin' Single And I'm Drinkin' Doubles.

 My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love You.

I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.

If The Phone Don't Ring, You'll Know It's Me

I Still Miss You Baby, But My Aim's Gettin' Better.

You're the Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly. 

She's better lookin' when I'm lonely 

I forgot to forget about You

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend And I Sure Do Miss Him.

She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger.

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth Cause I'm Kissing You Good-bye

She's the same kinda crazy as me ~ Delbert McClinton

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away 

They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore ~ Kinky Friedman & The Texas JewBoys

Get Your Biscuits in the Oven & Your Buns in Bed ~ Kinky Friedman

I Liked You Better Before I knew You So Well.


A young Steve Earle .. excellent mandolin solo version.

today, this morning May 2011, this is my favorite solo mandolin performance of all time!


Joe Ely does justice to Robert Earl Keen's tune .. you can smell the powder from Sheri's single shot 410

"You don't have to go home, BUT YOU CAN'T STAY HERE!"  Gretchen Wilson


Al Bundy

Quote Me


& the song .. 1974 Austin .. Ray Wiley Hubbard w/ Jerry Jeff Walker & Jerry Jeff's band The Lost Gonzo Band (note Willie's long term harp player (a young) Mickey Raphael)


Up Against the Wall Redneck Mother was played on Texas "pot rock" stations in the early '70s  ??

Please Bypass My Heart.

You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat

I've Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Back Cryin' Over You.

If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You.

I Sold A Car To A Guy Who Stole My Girl, But It Don't Run So We're Even.

And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning." - Winston Churchill, replying to Bessie B. who told him he was drunk.

This Buzz is for YOU

I'll let you be in my dream, if I can be in yours ~ Bob Dylan, circa 1963



Willie Nelson Record Store

Bob Dylan Record Store

Townes van Zandt & Guy Clark Record Store

Delbert McClinton Record Store

A hard man is good to find. ~ Mae West

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin.

Mojo Nixon's entire "XXX"  library on Amazon:"She's Vibrator Dependent", "Beer Ain't Drinkin", "Jesus at McDonald's", "Elvis Is Everywhere", "What's Up Judge Judy's Ass", "Debbie Gibson Is Pregnant With My Two-Headed Love Child", "Dr. Laura Who Made You God", "In A Gadda Da Vida", "Took Out The Trash And Never Came Back", "Don Henley Must Die", "I Hate Banks", "Destroy All Lawyers", "I Ain't Gonna Piss In No Jar", "A Favor for the Kinkster", "Tie my pecker to my leg", "The Amazing Bigfoot Diet", "Girlfriend in a Coma", "Art Fag Shuffle", "Don't Want No Foo-Foo Haircut on My Head"

Mojo is XM Radio's "Loon in the Afternoon"


"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."


The Willie Nelson Music Store

I'll never smoke weed with Willie again ~ Toby Keith


The Oak Ridge Boys: "No One Wants to Play Rhythm Guitar In Jesus' Band (they never get to sing)"

I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling.

Mama Get A Hammer (There's A Fly On Daddy's Head).

Instructions on how to record Satellite Radio on your Satellite TV DVR / Tivo


Redneck Rampage by Mojo Nixonl 

you might be a redneck

 .. if you've ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle. . or .. you are allowed to bring your dog to work... if you can take your bra off while driving .. or if the directions to your trailer include "turn off the paved road." .. Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater ... You burn your yard rather than mow it. .. You clean your fingernails with a stick. .. There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door. ..  You've ever bought a used cap. .. The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot. .. You've ever spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass. .. You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.

If you have any major appliance on your front porch ....


If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now.

'twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it." - W. C. Fields.

She's Looking Better After Every Beer.


Gary P Nunn w/ Jerry Jeff .."London Home Sick Blues" ..  the Austin City Limits theme song


Tom Russell making fun of his own lyrics.

It's never quite the same when you're sober, is it?~ Al Bundy

Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few

& Remember: Beauty is but a light switch away!

Why don't you come up and have a little scotch and sofa.~ Mae West

"Drink Beer! It removes unsightly flab and wrinkles ! (on the person you're looking at, if you drink enough of it)"

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
Grapes are purple.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the elephants!"

What did Charles de Gaulle say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Voila les elephants!"

What did George say when he she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the grapes!" ,
Color blind is one of Georges Impairments.



Townes van Zandt w/ Mickey White ..Dead Flowers .. Big Lebowski theme ..   Interview with Townes .. if you like Townes you'll lub this interview


January, 2008: From the late night talk show comedians

Re: Hillary's reported Plastic Surgery: She's so good looking now that Bill hit on her by accident last night.

The head of the state's leading gay-rights group said Hillary Clinton is a disappointment on same-sex marriage.

  •  Today Bill described her as a disappointment in opposite-sex marriage.

According to a poll, 60% of Americans saying they would be comfortable with Bill Clinton as a First Husband.

  • 71% of women say they'd be extremely comfortable with him as a second husband.

 Wouldn't Take Her To A Dog Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win.

Put the o back in Country ~ Shooter Jennings (Waylon's son)

After my dog ate the garlic toast his breath was worse than his bite

Texas Attorney: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?

Medical Expert: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.

Next to a dog .. a beautiful woman is the thing to be.

How can you tell when an elephant is getting ready to charge?

He asks if you accept Visa

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

you might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap .. you actually know what kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper ..  .. your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting... your muffler is held on by a coat hanger. .. going to the bathroom in the of middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.


The Stop Smoking Store 

Listen to yo mama  ..  more at  

"George Bush recently said the he believes in global warming .. as a result,  now I'm not sure" ~ Lewis Black, December 2007

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin

I've got two TV Guides. One on the table and one in the bath-room.  I'm rich! ~Al Bundy

"George Bush recently said the he believes in global warming .. as a result,  now I'm not sure" ~ Lewis Black, December 2007

I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. ~ Mae West

.Political Jokes    Graucho Marx Quotes   Elephant Jokes    Lawyer Jokes   Tobacco is No Joke