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"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin.


Best song of a moonshiner ever .. a great solo performance

.. damn, Thunder Road .. ok, ok ..how about "best latter 20th century moonshiner song  ...... EVER!" .. on letterman w/ band.

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henny Youngman

"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." - Ernest Hemmingway.

"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day."

"Milk is for babies. When you grow up you have to drink beer." - Arnold Schwarzenegger, 1975.

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin.

"The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far, but we will walk carefully." - Russian Proverb.

I Took 3 Bennies  .. & My Semi-Truck Won't Start

"Drink and Drive. We need the business." - Tow Truck Sign.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. ~ Victor Borge

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." - Frank Zappa.

"'twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it." - W. C. Fields.

"And you, madam, are ugly. But I shall be sober in the morning." - Winston Churchill, replying to Bessie Braddock who told him he was drunk.

A hard man is good to find. ~ Mae West  

I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman,  ... But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.        

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant? 

Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.





Country Song Titles:     A Sioux Named Boy .. I LOL every time I hear this song on XM radio ..  

History of Prescription hGH.  Cadaver extracted to rDNA derived in 50 years

Laughter the Best Medicine




They think they can make fuel from horse manure.... Now, I don't know if your car will be able to get 30 miles to the gallon, but it's sure gonna put a stop to siphoning.

you might be a redneck if you've ever vacationed in a rest area.     Dogs are lousy poker players. When the get a good hand they wag their tails.

Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe Attorneys at Law .. Ben Dover And C. Howlett Fields Attorneys At Law

Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke

"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down."  -- Robert Benchley

It's never quite the same when you're sober, is it?~ Al Bundy

Texas Attorney: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
Medical Expert: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.



If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer

Q. What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?

A. One less Drunk

"Don't drink and drive, you might hit a bump and spill your drink." - Bumper sticker.

"Booze is the answer. I don't remember the question."

"I envy people who drink. At least they have something to blame everything on." - Oscar Levant.

"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." - Dylan Thomas.


"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin

I've got two TV Guides. One on the table and one in the bath-room.  I'm rich! ~Al Bundy


I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. ~ Mae West  

"George Bush recently said the he believes in global warming .. as a result,  now I'm not sure" ~ Lewis Black, December 2007

Elephant Jokes    Lawyer Jokes   Tobacco is No Joke    Political Jokes    Graucho Marx Quo

Bumrungrad Hospital. 

That's me below getting my prescriptions filled at 1/3 US prices!

CBS 60 Minutes Documentary on Thai Medical Tourism.  CBS featured Bangkok's Bumrungrad Hospital.

  • Save over 50% on medications, diagnostics & dental in almost in any country outside the corrupt medical system of the US.

    • Pay for a vacation with 1 root canal / cap or a MRI .. money in your pocket with multiple procedures.

  • All of my doctors overseas (Thailand) speak fluent English & went to a US medical school.
  • My endocrinologist graduated from the University of Pennsylvania

    • Complete laboratory tests were completed in 1 day at a small fraction of US cost.  Up to 80% savings on labs!

  • My orthopedist graduated from USC + received post grad training in sports medicine at Johns Hopkins!

    • The MRI of my arthritic shoulder was under $250 & completed with interpretation in 1 day!

    • My 200 mg Celebrex is 1/3 the US price!

The US medical system is totally broken & controlled by corrupt corporations & their pay offs / bribes to corrupt politicians.

Boats of Thailand  Thai Massage  Ms. Thailand Fitness 2008  Elephant Jokes 


RE: Hillary.   January, 2008: From the late night talk show comedians

Re: Hillary's reported Plastic Surgery: She's so good looking now that Bill hit on her by accident last night.

The head of the state's leading gay-rights group said Hillary Clinton is a disappointment on same-sex marriage.

  •  Today Bill described her as a disappointment in opposite-sex marriage.

According to a poll, 60% of Americans saying they would be comfortable with Bill Clinton as a First Husband.

  • 71% of women say they'd be extremely comfortable with him as a second husband.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?     I'll be home in 45 minutes.

If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud.

"Alcohol is like love: the first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you just take the girl's clothes off."

"Drink Beer ! It removes unsightly flab and wrinkles ! (on the person you're looking at, if you drink enough of it)"

"'twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it." - W. C. Fields.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. ~ Victor Borge

"24 hours in a day... 24 beers in a case... coincidence ?" - Stephen Wright. 

Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain; With grammar, and nonsense, and learning; Good liquor, I stoutly maintain; Gives genius a better discerning. Oliver Goldsmith

A billion hours ago, human life appeared on earth. A billion minutes ago, Christianity emerged. A billion Coca-Colas ago was yesterday morning.~ 1996 Coca-Cola Company annual report

"Who needs friends when you can sit alone in your room and drink ?"

"Time is never wasted when you are wasted all the time."

"A meal without wine is like a day without sunshine, except that on a day without sunshine you can still get drunk." - Lee Entrekin.

"Prohibition ? HA ! They tried that in the movies and it didn't work." - Homer Simpson.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

In case you're interested a serious rant against tobacco companies here, some gross smokers lung pictures.

"Bart, a woman is like a beer. They look good, they smell good, and you'd step over your own mother just to get one !" - Homer Simpson.

"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose... it's how drunk you get." - Homer Simpson.

"I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer." - Homer Simpson.

"All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." - Homer Simpson.

"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory" - Bumper sticker.

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart.

"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza." - Dave Barry.

"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer." - Dave Barry.

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart.

"Why is American beer served cold ? So you can tell it from urine." - David Moulton.

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words. Plautus


"People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot." - Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI.

"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world." - Kaiser Wilhelm.

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." - Ernest Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls.

"I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I had lost exactly two weeks." - Joe E. Lewis.

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." - Winston Churchill.

"I must point out that my rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol before, after, and if need be during all meals and in the intervals between them." - Winston Churchill, Said during a lunch with the Arab leader Ibn Saud, when he heard that the king's religion forbade smoking and alcohol.

"Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage." - Woody Allen.

"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it.

But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.

This is my position, and I will not compromise !" - A Congressman's response about his attitude toward whiskey.

"And God said, 'Let there be vodka !'

And He saw that it was good.

Then God said, 'Let there be light !'

And then He said, 'Whoa - too much light'."

"If drinking is evil, then why did Jesus turn water to wine ?"

"To some it's a six pack, to me it's a support group."

"If beer were a woman, I'd be married for sure."

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