Why don't elephants ride 10 speed bikes?
no thumb to shift

How do you know if there is an elephant in the pub?
His bike is outside.

What do you call two elephants on a bicycle?
Optimistic.

How do you know if there are two elephants in the pub?
There's a dent in the cross-bar.

How do you know if there are three elephants in the pub?
Stand on the bike and look in the window.

How can you tell when an elephant is getting ready to charge?
He asks if you accept Visa.

 

Laughter the Best Medicine

Quote Me

 

 

What did the grape say when the elephant stood on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

Why do elephants have wrinkles?
Ever tried to iron an elephant?

How do you run over an elephant?
Climb up its tail, dash to its head, and then slide down its trunk.

How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't. You get down off a duckling.

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
"Grapes are purple."

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the elephants!"

What did Charles de Gaulle say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Voila les elephants!". (is this an old George joke or what?  + Nicolas Sarkozy said just isn't the same)

What did George say when he she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the grapes!" (Color is one of George's  impairments.)

   

 

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?
Grapes are purple.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the elephants!"

What did Charles de Gaulle say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Voila les elephants!"

What did Jane say when he she saw the elephants coming over the hill?
"Look, here come the grapes!" (She was color blind.)

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant if you're color blind?
Dance on it for a while. If you don't get any wine, it's an elephant.

What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing sunglasses?
Nothing, he didn't recognize them.

Why did the elephants wear sunglasses?
With all these dumb jokes going around, would YOU want to be recognized?

What did Tarzan say when he saw the water buffalo coming over the hill?
"Ha! You fooled me once with those disguises, but not this time!"

What did Tarzan say as he saw the elephants coming over the hill wearing pink tee-shirts?
"They must all be on the same team."

What did the elephants say when they saw Tarzan coming over the hill?
Nothing, elephants can't talk.

You might be a redneck if you can take your bra off while driving.

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I am always so happy to see Pong.   I like to call my friends, so Pong can trumpet over my mobile.

Ka Pong's trumpet makes everyone happy!  Khun Tem, Pai Elephant Treks, Golden Triangle, Thailand

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r 

My dog is worried about inflation .. Alpo is up to $3.00 a can.

That's almost $21.00 in dog money.   

 

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a kangaroo?
 Bloody great holes all over Australia.

& Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Bumper Sticker

Peg we've been married for 17 years. Can't we just be friends?

How do you run over an elephant?
Climb up its tail, dash to its head, and then slide down its trunk.

How do you get down off an elephant?
You don't. You get down off a duckling.

Why do elephants wear sandals?
So they don't sink into the sand.

Why do ostriches walk around with their heads in the sand?
They're looking for elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

What's the gook between elephants' toenails?
Slow Yao.

How do you make an elephant stew?
Keep him waiting for a few hours!

Women are like elephants to me: I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.

How do you shoot a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.

How do you shoot a green elephant?
Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a yellow elephant gun.

Why do elephants have trunks?
1) Because they don't have glove compartments.
2) Because they'd look silly carrying suitcases.

What do you get if you take an elephant into work?
Sole use of the elevator.

What do you get if you take an elephant into the city?
Free parking

Where do baby elephants come from?
BIG storks.

Why is it dangerous to go into the jungle between 2 and 4 each afternoon?
Because that's when the elephants jump out of the trees.

Why are pygmies so small?
Because they go into the jungle between 2 and 4 every afternoon.

What's that brown stuff between an elephant's toes?
Slow pygmies.

Why won't they allow elephants in public swimming pools?
Because they might let down their trunks.

How did the elephant hide on the pool table?
He was wearing a green hat.

How can you tell if an elephant is hiding in your bathtub?
You can smell the peanuts on his breath.

Where do you find elephants?
It depends on where you lost them.

Why are elephants large, lumpy, and grey?
Because if they were small, round, and white, they'd be aspirins.

What do you do when an elephant sneezes?
1.) Get out of the way.
2.) Say "Gezunheit."

Why did the elephant fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

Why did the second elephant fall out of the tree?
It was glued to the first one.

Why did the third elephant fall out of the tree?
She thought it was a game.

Why did the tree fall down?
It thought it was an elephant.

What's the difference between an elephant and a mailbox?
Well, if you don't know then how do you get your mail?

Why do elephants paint each toenail a different color?
So they can hide in jelly bean jars.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a jelly bean jar?
See, it works!

Why did the elephants wear pink tee-shirts?
They were all on the same team.

What looks like an elephant and flies?
A flying elephant.

How did Tarzan hurt his feet?  Trying to make wine out of the Electric Grapes (a '60s San Francisco blues rock band)

1000's of Famous & Memorable Quotations

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KHAO LAK, Thailand (Reuters) - Agitated elephants felt the tsunami coming, and their sensitivity saved about a dozen foreign tourists from the fate of thousands killed by the giant waves.

"I was surprised because the elephants had never cried before," mahout Dang Salangam said on Sunday on Khao Lak beach at the eight-elephant business offering rides to tourists.

The elephants started trumpeting -- in a way Dang, 36, and his wife Kulada, 24, said could only be described as crying -- at first light, about the time an earthquake measured at a magnitude of 9.0 cracked open the sea bed off Indonesia's Sumatra island.