"It's so beautifully arranged on the plate - you know someone's fingers have been all over it." - Julia Childs on nouvelle cuisine

Food & Eating

After my dog ate the garlic toast his breath was worse than his bite

  • "Bite the wax tadpole." ~ "Coca-Cola" as originally translated into Chinese
  • "Pepsi brings your ancestors back from the grave." - ad slogan "Pepsi Comes Alive" as originally translated into Chinese
  • "eat your fingers off" - Kentucky Fried Chicken's "finger lickin' good" as originally translated into Chinese
  • "tiny male genitals" - "Pinto" in Brazilian slang. Ford renamed the Pinto "Corcel" - "Horse."
  • "It takes a virile man to make a chicken pregnant." - Perdue chicken ad, as mistranslated in Mexico
 Laughter the Best Medicine

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"An average of two rodent hairs per one hundred grams of peanut butter is allowed." - No. 20. FDA Government guidelines.

"Sure, it's going to kill a lot of people, but they may be dying of something else anyway."

Peg we've been married for 17 years. Can't we just be friends?

"How can you expect to govern a country that has two hundred and forty-six kinds of cheese ?" - Charles de Gaulle.

"The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again." - George Miller.

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat." - Alex Levine.

"The thought of two thousand people crunching celery at the same time horrified me." - George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), Irish dramatist and critic. Explaining why he had turned down an invitation to a vegetarian gala dinner.

"Sushi /n./ Known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'."

"If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat ?"

"I'll bet what motivated the British to colonize so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal." - Martha Harrison.

Today in Iraq, American and British troops handed out food to hundreds of Iraqis. But to no surprise the Iraqis handed the British food back. Conan O'Brien

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." - Fran Lebowitz (1950- ), US writer.

"Give me liberty or... OOOooo... A jelly donut !" - Homer Simpson.

"All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening." - Alexander Woollcott.

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets."

"Never eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy.

"If animals were not meant to be eaten, why are they made of meat ?" - Bumper sticker

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Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most luxurious. They are conservatives after dinner. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

You might be a redneck  if you can take your bra off while driving.

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get off!!!

"If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it probably needs a little more time in the microwave." - Lori Dowdy.

"Just because something's toxic doesn't mean it's not tasty." - Matthew J. Siske.

"You can't get ice cream out of shit ... I don't care how much you stir." - Unknown.

"A gourmet restaurant in Cincinnati is one where you leave the tray on the table after you eat."

"When people who eat natural foods die of food poisoning, do they die of natural causes ?"

"Do vegetarians hate plants ?"

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick, not wounded: dead." - Woody Allen.

"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."

"I love animals... they're delicious." - Bumper sticker.

"People are more opposed to fur than leather because rich ladies are easier to harass than bikers." - Bumper sticker.

"Sacred cows make the best burgers."

"I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy" - Stephen Wright.

"I love cats... they taste just like chicken." - Bumper sticker.

"Vegetarians Taste Better." - Bumper sticker.

"Would vegetarians eat carrots if they had faces ?"

"A meal without flesh is like feeding on grass." - Proverb.

"What happens to the holes when all the cheese has been eaten ?"

"An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup." - H.L. Mencken.

"If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people." - Jim Eason.

"One of life's mysteries is how a 1kg box of candy can make a woman gain 2kg."

"It's important to watch what you eat. Otherwise, how are you going to get it into your mouth ?" - Matt Diamond.

"The dinosaur's eloquent lesson is that if some bigness is good, an overabundance of bigness is not necessarily better." - Eric Johnston.

"Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast, the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty (in France, by contrast, there are three such days: Hier, Aujourd'hui and Demain)." -Michael Dresser.

"The only two things I don't eat for breakfast are lunch and dinner."

"I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it."

"A fat paunch never bred a subtle mind." - Anonymous.

"Why do people go to Burger King and order a double Whopper with a large French fry and insist on getting a diet Coke ?"

"Save a mouse, eat a pussy." - Kevin Peter Kelly.

"Outside every fat man there is an even fatter man trying to close in." - Kingsley Amis (1922- ), British novelist.

"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people." - Orson Welles.

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant ? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God... I could be eating a slow learner." - Lynda Montgomery.

"Who's your fat friend ?" - 'Beau' Brummel (1778-1840), British dandy. Referring to George, Prince of Wales.

"The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat." - Albert Einstein.

"Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of doing anything great." - Henry IV of France (1553-1610)

"Everything in space is weightless, but would a really fat astronaut weigh just a little bit ?"

"Just the other day in the Underground I enjoyed the pleasure of offering my seat to three ladies." - G. K. Chesterton (1874-1936), British writer. Suggesting that fatness has its consolations.

"She fitted into my biggest armchair as if it had been built round her by someone who knew they were wearing armchairs tight about the hips that season." - P. G. Wodehouse (1881-1975), British humorous novelist.

"The Right Hon. was a tubby little chap who looked as if he had been poured into his clothes and had forgotten to say 'When!'" - P. G. Wodehouse (1881-1975), British humorous novelist.

"Lose weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 6 kg in only 2 days."

"The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it."

"I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people." - Ed Bluestone.

"My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like - just don't swallow it." - Harry Secombe (1921- ), welsh singer, actor, and comedian.

"The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends."

"Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake."

"Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards ??"

"Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education." - Mark Twain.

"He was a bold man that first eat an oyster." - Jonathan Swift (1667-1745),Irish-born Anglican priest and writer.

"Great restaurants are, of course, nothing but mouth-brothels. There is no point in going to them if one intends to keep one's belt buckled." - Frederic Raphael (1931- ), British author.

"Dinner at the Huntercombes' possessed only two dramatic features - the wine was a farce and the food a tragedy." - Anthony Powell (1905- ), British novelist.

"I think I could eat one of Bellamy's veal pies." - William Pitt the Younger (1759-1806), British statesman, last words.

"An army marches on its stomach." - Napoleon.

"Kissing don't last: cookery do !" - George Meredith (1828-1909), British novelist.

"In Mexico we have a word for sushi: Bait." - Jose Simon.

"To eat well in England you should have breakfast three times a day." - W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965), British novelist.

"My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked." - Winston Churchill.

"I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals." - Winston Churchill.

"The journey of a thousand pounds begins with a single burger." - Chris O'Brien.

"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."

"The remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served us nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found." - Calvin Trillin.

"Attention to health is life greatest hindrance." - Plato (427-347 B.C.)

"Carnation milk is the best in the land, Here I sit with a can in my hand, No tits to pull, no hay to pitch, You just punch a hole in the son of a bitch." - Anonymous, referring to a brand of canned milk.

"The right diet directs sexual energy into the parts that matter." - Barbara Cartland (1902- ), British romantic novelist.

"Do you know what breakfast cereal is made of ? It's made of all those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners !" - Roald Dahl (1916-90), British writer.

"Some breakfast food manufacturer hit upon the simple notion of emptying out the leavings of carthorse nose bags, adding a few other things like unconsumed portions of chicken layer's mash, and the sweepings of racing stables, packing the mixture in little bags and selling them in health food shops." - Frank Muir (1920- ), British writer and broadcaster.

"Bouillabaisse is only good because cooked by the French, who, if they cared to try, could produce an excellent and nutritious substitute out of cigar stumps and empty matchboxes." - Norman Douglas (1868-1952), British novelist.

"First need in the reform of hospital management ? That's easy ! The death of all dietitians, and the resurrection of a French chef." - Martin H. Fischer (1879-1962).

"P.E.T.A.: People Eating Tasty Animals."

"A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen." - Emily Lotney.

"Butter vs. Margarine ? I trust cows over scientists."

"The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." - Fanny Fern (1811-72), US writer.

"Just Give Me Chocolate and Nobody Gets Hurt." - Seen on a girl's T-shirt.

"With humans it's abortion, but with chickens it's an omelet."

"If it screams, it's not food... yet."

"The best number for a dinner party is two - myself and a dam' good head waiter." - Nubar Gulbenkian (1896-1972), Turkish oil magnate.

"It is as bad as bad can be: it is ill-fed, ill-killed, ill-kept, and ill-drest." - Samuel Johnson (1709-84), British lexicographer. About the roast mutton at an inn.

"Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment."

"If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry ?"

"Her eyes were cold and harsh, which made them tough to chew." - Danno.

"What's the greatest worldwide use of cowhide ? To hold cows together."

"Save the whales - collect the entire set." - Bumper sticker.

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