Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it
and then misapplying the wrong remedies.
~ Groucho Marx
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.~
Groucho Marx Print 'um & pass 'um around!
Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!
~ Groucho Marx
Someone: "I would like to say
goodbye to your wife". Groucho: "Me too".
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.~
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.~
If you fall out of that window and break both your legs, don't come
running to me.~~ Groucho Marx
- How do you feel about women's rights ? I like either side of them.
~ Groucho Marx
- I've had a perfectly wonderful evening .. But this wasn't it.~
- We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a
woman. And behind her stands his wife~ Groucho Marxx
- I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation. I don't want
to belong to any club that will accept me as a member.~
- Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!~~
- To Margret Dumont: "I can see you and I married. I can see you
bending over the stove. I can't see the stove!~ Groucho Marx
- I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I
go into the other room and read a book.~ Groucho Marx
- Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.~ Groucho
- It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be
unhappy.~ Groucho Marx
- There is only one way to find out if a man is honest...ask him. If he says
'yes', you know he is crooked.~ Groucho Marx
- The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing.. if you can fake that,
you've got it made.~ Groucho Marx
- Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.~
- Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.~ Groucho
- I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse~ Groucho Marx
- Go, and never darken my towels again.~ Groucho Marx
- She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.~
- Time wounds all heels.~ Groucho Marx
- Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?~
- My mother loved children ... she would have given anything if I had been
one.~ Groucho Marx
- Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.~
- A man's only as old as the woman he feels.~ Groucho Marx
- No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
~ Groucho Marx
- There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.~
- I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.~
- I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're
upstairs in my socks.
- "Seven? That many?" She blushed, and said, "Well, I love my
husband." Groucho came back with, "I love my cigar, too, but I
take it out once in a while."
- Remember men you are fighting for the ladies honour, which is probably
more than she ever did.~ Groucho Marx
- Oh are you from Wales ?? Do you know a fella named Jonah ?? He used to
live in whales for a while.~ Groucho Marx
- The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut
and his checkbook open.~ Groucho Marx
- Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.~
- Although it is generally known, I think it's about time to announce that I
was born at a very early age.~ Groucho Marx
- This man has the mind of a 4-year old boy..and I bet he was glad to get
rid of it~ Groucho Marx
- Look, if you don't like my parties, you can leave in a huff. If that's too
soon, leave in a minute and a huff. If you can't find that, you can leave in
a taxi.~ Groucho Marx
- Last night I shot an elephant in my Pajamas and how he got in my pajamas
I'll never know.~ Groucho Marx
- We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But
we're going back next week.~ Groucho Marx
- It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open your mouth
and remove all doubt.~ Groucho Marx
- Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
- Women should be obscene, and not heard.
- In a restaurant to a waitress: "Do you have frogs legs or do you
always walk like that....
- From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was
convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- A child af five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of
- The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that,
you've got it made.
- Outside of a dog a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's to
dark to read.
- Hello I must be going. I cannot stay, I came to say I must be going. I'm
glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.
- Beyond the Alps lies more Alps, and the Lord alps those that alps
- Well I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.
- Are you going to believe me, or what you see with your own eyes?
- She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the life of the party.
- In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the
politicians can go on the air and kid the people.
- "Call me a cab!" Groucho replies, "OK, you're a cab."
- I could dance with you till the cows come home, on second thought I'll
dance with the cows till you come home.
- I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
- How would you like to feel the way she looks ?
- My mother treated us all equally ... with contempt.
- Someone: "The garbage men are here" Groucho: "Tell them we
don't want any".
- Follow me men. Never mind men - just the women.
- I like my women warm and my champagne cold.
- Blood's not thicker than money.I cannot say that I do not disagree with
- Room service? Send up a larger room
- When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said "I was
just whispering in her mouth"
- I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury
- Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of
you than you do!
- I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.
- There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit...retire!
- You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.
- Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Man: "I would like to say goodby to your wife". Groucho:
- The last time I saw legs like that was on a billiard table.
- We give em a seventy-five cent meal that'll knock their eyes out. After we
knock their eyes out, we can charge them anything we want.
- I drink to make people interesting.
- I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but found it too
- If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.
- I'll never forget my wedding day..they threw vitamin pills.
- I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip.
- I made a killing on Wall Steet a few years ago...I shot my broker.
"Just because something's toxic doesn't mean it's not tasty." -
Matthew J. Siske.
The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit
that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the
There's no trick to being a humorist when you have
the whole government
working for you.~
"I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law."
David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he failed to pay
& Always remember you're
unique, just like everyone else.
Peg we've been married for 17 years. Can't we just be friends?
of Famous & Memorable Quotations