Laughter is the closest distance between two people. ~ Victor Borge

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can at it. ~ Danny Kaye

 Laughter the Best Medicine

 

 

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The closest I've ever come to saying "no" is "Not now, we're landing."-- Sam Malone, character played by Ted Danson on Cheers

Whoever called it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.-- Groucho Marx

Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't. Margaret Thatcher

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.  Josh Billings

It may be that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong -- but that is the way to bet.  Damon Runyan

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while. Anonymous

Copy from one, it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research. Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

Art is either plagiarism or revolution. Paul Guaguin

Life is just one damned thing after another. Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes. Lewis Grizzard

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination. Bill Watterson - Calvin and Hobbes

Justice is incidental to law and order. J. Edgar Hoover

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens. Jimi Hendrix

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Anonymous

A gentleman will not insult me, and no man not a gentleman can insult me. Frederick Douglas

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.-- Brendon Behan

Life is just one damned thing after another. Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)

Living in the past has one thing in its favor - it's cheaper. Anonymous

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. Charles Schultz

Don't ever take a fence down until you know why it was put up. Robert Frost (1874-1963)

I will try to follow the advice that a university president once gave a prospective commencement speaker. "Think of yourself as the body at an Irish wake" he said. "They need you in order to have the party, but no one expects you to say very much." Anthony Lake , national security advisor, at University of Massachusetts, Amherst, Graduation 1995

Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it. Winston Churchill, Sir (1874-1965)

Never judge a book by its movie. J. W. Eagan

Never judge someone by who he's in love with; judge him by his friends. People fall in love with the most appalling people. Take a cool, appraising glance at his pals. Cynthia Heimel

Never moon a werewolf. Mike Binder

When you are right, you cannot be too radical; When you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968

Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. John Wooden

Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They're a different breed of dog. Josh Billings

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. Ambrose Redmoon

Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously!

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

Believe those who are seeking the truth; doubt those who find it. Andre Gide

Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation. Edward R. Murrow

Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. P. J. O'Rourke

Captain is a good traveling name and so I take it.

George Farquhar

Do infants have as much fun in infancy as adults do in adultery?

Anonymous

Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. 

Aldous Huxley

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

Tallulah Bankhead

Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

Joey Adams

Marriage is the result of the longing for the deep, deep peace of the double bed after the hurly-burly of the chaise lounge.

Patrick Campbell, Mrs.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

Mary had a little lamb and the doctor fainted.

Anonymous

Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction.

Ashleigh Brilliant

Laughter is the closest distance between two people.

Victor Borge

Life beats down and crushes the soul and art reminds you that you have one.

Stella Adler

Life begets life. Energy creates energy. It is by spending oneself that one becomes rich.

Sarah Bernhardt

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

Life is a great big canvas; throw all the paint you can at it.

Danny Kaye

Life is a wave, which in no two consecutive moments of its existence is composed of the same particles.

John Tyndall

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

Anonymous

Logic is in the eye of the logician. Gloria Steinem

Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

Look back, and smile on perils past.

Walter Scott, Sir

Lord, grant that I may always desire more than I accomplish.

Michelangelo

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

Robert Frost (1874-1963)

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Lewis Grizzard

Life is not so much a matter of position as of disposition.

Andrew Carnegie

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.

Isaac Asimov

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Fran Lebowitz

Life is too serious to be taken seriously.

Mike Leonard

Life's to short for chess.

Henry James Byron

Live in danger. Build your cities on the slopes of Vesuvius.

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

Like most endeavors, life is seriously over-advertised and under-funded.

Anonymous

Like most intellectuals, he is immensely stupid.

Marquise de Merteuil

Laws were made to be broken.

Christopher North

Lawyers are... operators of the toll bridge which anyone in search of justice must pass.

Jane Bryant Quinn

Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.

George S. Patton, General (1885-1945)

Lead us not into temptation. Just tell us where it is; we'll find it.

Sam Levenson

Leadership is getting someone to do what they don't want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve.

Tom Landry

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

Irvin S. Cobb

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination.

Bill Watterson - Calvin and Hobbes

Leave the rest to the gods.

Horace

I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.

Winston Bennett , University of Kentucky basketball forward

Just be thankful you're not getting all the government you're paying for.

Will Rogers (1879-1935)

Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.

Thomas Edison

Justice is incidental to law and order.

J. Edgar Hoover

Knowledge is of two kinds. We know a subject ourselves, or we know where we can find information on it.

Samuel Johnson

Knowledge is soon changed, then lost in the mist, an echo half-heard.

Gene Wolfe

Knowledge is true opinion.

Plato (427-347 B.C.)

Knowledge speaks, but wisdom listens.

Jimi Hendrix

Lack of will power has caused more failure than lack of intelligence or ability.

Flower A. Newhouse

Language is not only the vehicle of thought, it is a great and efficient instrument in thinking.

Humphrey Davy

Language is the armory of the human mind, and at once contains the trophies of its past and the weapons of its future conquests.

Anonymous

Legend: a lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.

Anonymous

Let onion atoms lurk within the bowl, and, scarce-suspected, animate the whole.

Sydney Smith

Let schoolmasters puzzle their brain; With grammar, and nonsense, and learning; Good liquor, I stoutly maintain; Gives genius a better discerning.

Oliver Goldsmith

Let these describe the indescribable.

Lord Byron

Let us celebrate the occasion with wine and sweet words.

Plautus

Let us endeavor to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Let us permit nature to have her way. She understands her business better than we do.

Michel de Montaigne

Luck is the residue of design.

Branch Rickey

Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

Make voyages! Attempt them... there's nothing else.

Tennessee Williams

Making movies is my vacation. All the rest - the traveling about to premiers, the social life, the endless arguments with producers who don't understand me - that is the work.

Federico Fellini , movie director

Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

Adlai Stevenson (1900-1965)

Man has made use of his intelligence, he invented stupidity.

Remy De Gourmant

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

Lily Tomlin

Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.

Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

Many a man has finally succeeded only because he has failed after repeated efforts. If he had never met defeat he would never have known any great victory.

Orison Swett Marden

Many a man's reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.

Elbert Hubbard (1856-1915)

Many people see Eva Peron as either a saint or the incarnation of Satan. That means I definitely can identify with her.

Madonna , defending her suitability to portray Evita in the film version

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who would want to live in an institution.

Henry Louis Mencken (1880-1956)

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914) - The Devil's Dictionary, 1911

Mechanization best serves mediocrity

Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

Mediocrity knows nothing higher than itself, but talent instantly recognizes genius.

Arthur Conan Doyle, Sir

Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity.

Charles G. Dawes

Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.

Abba Eban (1915- )

Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most luxurious. They are conservatives after dinner.

Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882)

Men are like wine, some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age.

Pope John XXIII

"Religion is a magic device for turning unanswerable questions into unquestionable answers." - Art Gecko

1000's of Famous & Memorable Quotations

When you take stuff from one writer it's plagiarism; but when you take it from many writers, it's research. ~ Wilson Mizner (1876-1933)

It's not peace I want, not mere contentment. It's boundless joy and ecstasy for me. ~Kugell 

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