There is not one passage in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

"When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?~ Quentin Crisp

"If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia." - Thomas Szasy.

"As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools."

"Once there was a time when all people believed in god and the church ruled. This time is called the Dark Ages

It is necessary for intelligent Americans to call out the dopey evangelical christians & their retarded political agenda based on mystical beliefs at every opportunity!

When religion has a political agenda the mystical beliefs must be confronted!

They Ain't Makin' Jews Like Jesus Anymore ~ Kinky Friedman

 

"I have encountered a few 'creationists' and because they were usually nice, intelligent people, I have been unable to decide whether they were really mad or only pretending to be mad. If I was a religious person, I would consider creationism nothing less than blasphemy. Do its adherents imagine that God is a cosmic hoaxer who has created the whole vast fossil record for the sole purpose of misleading humankind ?" - Arthur C. Clarke.

Taoism:           shit happens
Buddhism:       if shit happens, it isn't really shit
Islam:                if shit happens, it is the will of Allah
Catholicism:    if shit happens, you deserve it
Judaism:          why does this shit always happen to us?
Atheism:          I don't believe this shit

Why did God make man first?   He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder

 

Dinosaurs are only a theory   (In Kansas)

AGNOSTIC: I Don't Know And You Don't Either

Q: How do you play Religious Russian Roulette?

A: You stand around in a circle and blaspheme and see who gets struck by lightning first.

Print 'um & pass 'um around!   The Home Page

"Tel-Evangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion." - Stephen Wright.

"If only God would give me a clear sign. Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank!" - Woody Allen.

Hear Tele-Evangelist Ted Haggard's packed sermon on his 2 week gay-ness cure!   & click here for more of the same

Laughter the Best Medicine

Quote Me

 

 

"Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control."  - Jay Leno

Any clod can have the facts; having beliefs is an art. ~ Charles McCabe

Why did the blonde stare at the carton of Orange Juice?   .. It said 'concentrate'

If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed.

If God were a liberal would he have given Moses the Ten Suggestions?

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it .. or who said it .. no matter if I have said it .. unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." - Buddha.

"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."-- Rita Rudner

Puritanism /n./: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy

"If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons ?"     Atheism is a non-prophet organization. - Bumper sticker.

Heaven goes by favor; if it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.--Mark Twain.

 

Devout believers are safeguarded in a high degree against the risk of certain neurotic illnesses; their acceptance of the universal neurosis spares them the task of constructing a personal one. ~ Freud

God sat down for a moment when the dog was finished in order to watch it

... and he knew that it was perfect, that nothing was lacking, that it could not have been made better.--Rainer Maria Rilke

"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." - Stephen F Roberts.

If anyone in the history of man has deserved to rot in George Bush's god's hell .. Bush & Cheney deserve that fate.

 He sees him banging his head against the wall, and wailing, "We forgot the "R"! "We forgot the "R"! "We forgot the "R"! "We forgot the "R"!

 

& Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. Bumper Sticker

"I refuse to prove that I exist" says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith, I am nothing."

"Religion is a magical device for turning unanswerable questions into unquestionable answers"

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.~ Mark Twain (1835-1910)

The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible. ~ A. Einstein

Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind. ~ Albert Einstein

"How do we know Jesus was Jewish?"

"Because he lived at home until he was 30, he went into his father's business, his mother thought he was god and he thought his mother was a virgin."

The beginning of knowledge is the discovery of something we do not understand.  Frank Herbert

George Bush is like Borat .. only not funny    I saw a star in the East. Peg, did you do laundry?

"If going to church makes you a Christian, does going to a garage make you a car ?"

"Everything that can be invented has been invented." --Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

Q. What do the Pope and John Elway have in common?

A. They have both packed Mile High Stadium with everyone on their feet saying "Jesus Christ".

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction". --Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

Whether outwardly or inwardly, whether in space or time, the farther we penetrate the unknown, the vaster and more marvelous it becomes. ~ Charles A. Lindbergh - Autobiography of Values

When the solution is simple, God is answering. ~ Albert Einstein

Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind.  ~ Albert Einstein

God does not play dice with the universe.  ~ Albert Einstein

Before God we are equally wise - and equally foolish.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. ~ Mae West

"President Bush said last night that there'll be a new president in Iraq. In fact to give him a chance, they're going to give him a 30-second head start."

"If you talk to God, you are praying; if God talks to you, you have schizophrenia."

"An atheist doesn't have to be someone who thinks he has a proof that there can't be a god. He only has to be someone who believes that the evidence on the God question is at a similar level to the evidence on the werewolf question."

Who says I am not under the special protection of God? ~ A. Hitler

In case you're interested sexy smoking girl pics   :-o)))) + smokers lungs, no wonder they have bad breath!

If God were a liberal would he have given Moses the Ten Suggestions?

Pray, n:. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. - Bumper sticker.

Laugh all the way Home

If God had wanted women to play ball, he would've made them men.

"AGNOSTIC: I Don't Know And You Don't Either." - Bumper sticker

"Tel-Evangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion." - Stephen Wright.

Puritanism /n./: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy

"Those who will not reason, are bigots, those who cannot, are fools, and those who dare not, are slaves." - Lord Byron.

"Whenever books are burned( science ignored ), men also in the end are burned." - Heinrich Heine.

"I have encountered a few 'creationists' and because they were usually nice, intelligent people, I have been unable to decide whether they were really mad or only pretending to be mad. If I was a religious person, I would consider creationism nothing less than blasphemy. Do its adherents imagine that God is a cosmic hoaxer who has created the whole vast fossil record for the sole purpose of misleading humankind ?" - Arthur C. Clarke.

"The most basic reason why God could not do it is because the concept of God requires humans to exist."

"Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis." - Pierre Laplace (1749-1827), to Napoleon on why his works on celestial mechanics made no mention of God.

A man without religion is like a fish without a bicycle. (Why don't fish ride bicycles?  No thumb to ring the bell.)

"There ain't no devil, it's just god when he's drunk." - Bumper sticker.

"How do we know Jesus was Jewish?"

"Because he lived at home until he was 30, he went into his father's business, his mother thought he was god and he thought his mother was a virgin."

RE: persistent Saturday morning missionary pests:  Oh Lord, Deliver me from thy followers!

"Sex education classes in our public schools are promoting incest." - Jimmy Swaggart, TV preacher, self-described pornography addict who paid prostitutes to commit "pornographic acts". ( pornographic acts? )

"Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it." - Andre Gide.

"If God really wanted us to watch those Sunday morning religious shows, he'd make their reception better than the cartoons on the other channels." - Michael E. Nelson.

"A celibate clergy is an especially good idea as it eliminates any genetic tendencies towards fanaticism ( or pedophilia )." - Carl Sagan.

"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." - Winston Churchill

Religion... is the opium of the masses.~ Karl Marx

"To YOU I'm an atheist.  To God, I'm the loyal opposition." - Woody Allen.

"I don't know that atheists should be considered as citizens, nor should they be considered patriots. This is one nation under God." - President George Bush, August 27, 1988

"This would be the best of all possible worlds if there were no religion in it." - John Adams, 2nd president of the U.S.

"What has been the fruits of Christianity? Superstition, bigotry and persecution." - James Madison, 4th president of the U.S.

"Ashcroft went on to say that our way of life is being threatened by a group of radical religious fanatics who are armed and dangerous. And then he called for prayers in the schools and an end to gun control."  - Jay Leno

"Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them ?" - Jules Feiffer.

"I think that God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability." - Oscar Wilde.

"Jesus loves you, but personally I think you are an asshole."

What is history but a fable agreed upon? ~ Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

"These are my opinions. If they were the Biblical truth, your bushes would be burning."

"Religion is to brain what tapeworm is to intestine."

"The command, 'Be fruitful and multiply', was promulgated, according to our authorities, when the population of the world consisted of two persons." - Dean William R. Inge.

"Water into Wine' and 'Loaves and Fishes' were pretty good, but 'Oregano into Primo Mexican Weed' was truly impressive." - Top miracle not mentioned in the Bible.

"Religion is a cow. It gives milk, but it also kicks." - Buddha

"ZEUS /n./ The chief of Grecian gods, adored by the Romans as Jupiter and by the modern Americans as God, Gold, Mob and Dog." - Ambrose Bierce.

"Q: How do you get holy water ?

A: You boil the hell out of it."

"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself." - Sir Richard Burton.

Hereís a nice story Ė Mel Gibson is building a church in Malibu. Itís gonna be weird to see people in Malibu worshipping something besides themselves. ~ Jay Leno

"Religion is a bandage that man has invented to protect a soul made bloody by circumstance." - Theodore Herman Albert Dreiser (1871-1945).

"Mankind will only really be free, once the last king was strangled with the entrails of the last priest." - R. Heinlein.

"It's too early for a Polish pope." - Karol Wojtyla, two days before being elected Pope John Paul II.

"The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible." - Mark Twain.

"In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light'.

And there was still nothing. But, you could see it."

"God must love stupid people... He made so MANY of them !"

"Why do most forms of swearing reference either deities or genitals ?"

"There is no difference between someone who eats too little and sees Heaven and someone who drinks too much and sees snakes." - Bertrand Russell.

"Where there is no religion, hypocrisy becomes good taste." - George Bernard Shaw.

"Why should I hate someone on the basis of their religion, when I can take a little time to get to know them and hate them for a myriad of real reasons" - Dennis Miller.

"Sorry I missed church... I was busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian." - Bumper sticker.

In big print: "Jesus Loves You"

In fine print: "Everybody else thinks you're an asshole" - Bumper sticker.

"I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on the water while I'm fishing."

"I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older - then it dawned on me... they are cramming for their finals !"

"Christianity, as many religions, was just dreamed up by a couple people with really good imaginations, a lot of time on their hands, and even some "herbal" help. I mean, who would dream up half of that crap without being totally baked ?" - Jillian A. Spencer.

"If those folks in Kansas are right about evolution never having happened, I sure hope it happens soon." - Michael Sheinbaum.

The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:

  • 1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.

  • 2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.

    3) Overcharging fees to many clients.

    4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case.

    And the list goes on for quite awhile.

    The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case.

    He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also."

    St. Peter looks in his book and says, "Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?"

    The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes."

    St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell."

    "Oh," says man, "but the Babel Fish is a dead give-away, isn't it? It proves You exist, and so therefore You don't. Q.E.D."

    "Oh, I hadn't thought of that." says God, who promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. - Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

    "Nuke an unborn gay whale for Jesus." - Bumper sticker.

    Laughter .. The Best Medicine

    There were so many stories around, it was almost inevitable some of them would turn out to be true. ~ Nigel Evans, Majesty Magazine editor, explaining a string of accurate stories about the royal family in the London tabloids