Women Are Complex Creatures  Print 'um & pass 'um around!

"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."  Bumper Sticker

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.~ Groucho Marx

 Laughter the Best Medicine

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Woman don't make fools of men, most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

Q: WHAT SHOULD U GIVE A MAN WHO HAS EVERYTHING?
A: A WOMAN TO SHOW HIM HOW TO WORK IT

A Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but mean your mother.

Why do men want to marry virgins?

A. They can't stand criticism.      B. Can't stand to be taught?

You might be a redneck if you can take your bra off while driving.

Recent medical research into the secrets of biology confirms what we always knew: that women are tougher, stronger and lustier than anyone ever thought. Our challenge is to surpass these expectations!~ Jennie Chua , General Manager of the Raffles Hotel

Leave it to a girl to take the fun out of sex discrimination. Bill Watterson - Calvin and Hobbes

She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong. ~ Mae West

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever did. ~ Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

Next to a dog, a beautiful woman is the thing to be. ~ Al Bundy

WHY DO BACHELORS LIKE SMART WOMEN?
OPPOSITES ATTRACT

 I'm So Miserable Without You; It's Like Having You Here. ~ Country Song Title

A man is only as old as the woman he feels Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. Tallulah Bankhead

 

A Code of Honor: Never approach a friend's girlfriend or wife with mischief as your goal. There are just too many women in the world to justify that sort of dishonorable behavior. Unless she's really attractive. Bruce Friedman

Why did God make man first?

He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.

Why do women close their eyes during sex?

They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?

A woman that won't do what she's told.

If you kiss her, you are not a gentleman
If you don't, you are not a man
If you praise her, she thinks you are lying
If you don't, you are good for nothing
If you agree to all her likes, you are a wimp
If you don't, you are not understanding
If you visit her often, she thinks it is boring
If you don't, she accuses you of double-crossing
If you are well dressed, she says you are a playboy
If you don't, you are a dull boy
If you are jealous, she says it's bad
If you don't, she thinks you do not love her
If you attempt a romance, she says you didn't respect her
If you don't, she thinks you do not like her
If you are a minute late, she complains it's hard to wait
If she is late, she says that's a girl's way
If you visit another man, you're not putting in "quality time"
If she is visited by another woman, "oh it's natural, we are girls"
If you kiss her once in a while, she professes you are cold
If you kiss her often, she yells that you are taking advantage
If you fail to help her in crossing the street, you lack ethics
If you do, she thinks it's just one of men's tactics for seduction
If you stare at another woman, she accuses you of flirting
If she is stared by other men, she says that they are just admiring
If you talk, she wants you to listen
If you listen, she wants you to talk

In short:

So simple, yet so complex
So weak, yet so powerful
So confusing, yet so desirable
So damning, yet so wonderful..
.

...WOMEN!

FEMALE POEM

I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong

One who loves to listen long.

One who thinks before he speaks

One who'll call, not wait for weeks.

I want him to be gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, be not annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door,

massages my back and begs to do more

Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind

And knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"

I want this man to love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

MALE POEM

I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac

with huge boobs who owns a liquor store and a bass boat.

I know this doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit

 

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry - You'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron!

10. You're certainly attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

 1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you.

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you.

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you.

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you.

I don't think those shoes go with that outfit     -   I'm gay

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb...

you might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap .. you actually know what kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper ..  .. your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting... your muffler is held on by a coat hanger. .. going to the bathroom in the of middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight.

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