Ask a 'biblical christian', "How did kangaroos get on the ark?"

So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence.

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  • Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

  • Yo mama so fat when she back up she beep.

  • Yo mama so fat when she steps on a scale, it read "one at a time, please"

  • Yo mama so fat she has a run in her blue-jeans!

  • Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money.

  • Yo mama so fat her nickname is "DAMN".

  • Yo mama so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay!"

  • Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

    Yo momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, she said: "Moving."

    Yo momma so ugly that when she sits on the beach in the sand, cats try to bury her.

     

 Laughter the Best Medicine

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Yo mama so fat when she sits on my face I can't hear the stereo.

Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye

_Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people said "Taxi!"

_ Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

_ Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone.

_ Yo momma so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for their new world.

_ Yo momma so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge.

_ Yo momma so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

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Yo mamma so fat you have ta roll over twice to get off her.

Yo mama so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!

Yo momma so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Yo mama so fat and stupid, her waist size is larger than her IQ!

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get off!!!

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway.

George Bush is like Borat .. only not funny

How can you tell the difference between a grape and an elephant?

You might be a redneck  if you can take your bra off while driving .. or your muffler is held on by a coat hanger.

How do you measure a blonde's IQ?   I like a man who grins when he fights. 

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.. 80 Joke Books

The church is near, but the road is icy. The bar is far, but we will walk carefully.

Dictionary for Decoding Yo Mama's Personal Ad:

  • 30-ish ........................ 49.

  • Adventurous .............. Slept with everyone.

  • Athletic ...................... No breasts

  • Average looking .......... Moooo.

  • Beautiful .................... Pathological liar.

  • Emotionally Secure ... On medication.

  • Feminist .................... Fat

  • Free spirit .................. Junkie

  • Friendship first .......... Former slut.

  • New-Age ................... Body hair in the wrong places.

  • Old-Fashioned ........... No BJs.

  • Open-minded ............. Desperate

  • Outgoing ................... Loud and Embarrassing.

  • Professional .............. Bitch

  • Voluptuous ................ Very Fat

  • Large frame ............... Largely Fat

  • Wants soul mate ....... Stalker

 

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I've got two TV Guides. One on the table and one in the bath-room.  I'm rich! ~Al Bundy

"George Bush recently said the he believes in global warming .. as a result,  now I'm not sure" ~ Lewis Black, December 2007

I Ain't Never Gone To Bed With An Ugly Woman, But I Sure Woke Up With a Few.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. ~ Mae West

.Political Jokes    Graucho Marx Quotes   Elephant Jokes    Lawyer Jokes   Tobacco is No Joke

 

"As long as there are tests there will be prayer in public schools."

"THE PERFECT WOMAN HAS THREE BREASTS - ONE ON THE BACK FOR DANCING!", Al Bundy

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.

Yo mama so fat she has to buy two airline tickets.

Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

Yo mama so fat when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get again.

Yo mama so fat she influences the tides.

_ Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye

_ Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is refund.

_ Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

_ Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV and watches the couch.

_ Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone.

 _Yo momma so old that when God said let there be light, she hit the switch.

_ Yo momma so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

Q. Why do men name their penises?
A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the decision maker.

Yo mama so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat people say, "Taxi!"

Yo mama so fat when she has sex, she has to give directions!

Yo mama so fat she had to go to Sea World to get baptized.

Yo mama so fat she got to iron her pants on the driveway.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says we don't do livestock.

Yo mama so fat her neck looks like a pair of hot dogs!

  • An anxious woman goes to her doctor. "Doctor," she asks nervously, "can you get pregnant from anal intercourse?"

  • "Certainly," replies the doctor, "Where do you think lawyers come from?"

_ Yo momma so old her birth certificate says expired on it.

_ Yo momma so old when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama so fat she's got her own area code!

Yo mama so fat she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Winston Churchill     W.C. Fields     Mae West     Graucho     Einstein      Al Bundy 

How can you tell when an elephant is getting ready to charge?

 

Diane Jardim Stratton

"Never eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: It only takes one lawyer to change your light bulb to his light bulb.

A2: You won't find a lawyer who can change a light bulb. Now, if you're looking for a lawyer to screw a light bulb... ?

you might be a redneck if you have a rag for a gas cap ..going to the bathroom in the of middle of the night requires shoes and a flashlight...  you actually know what kind of leaves make the best substitute for toilet paper ..  .. your checks feature pictures of dogs fighting... your muffler is held on by a coat hanger. ..

_ Yo momma so poor she goes to KFC to lick other people's fingers.

_ Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says: "Ding!"

_ Yo momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.

_ Yo momma so nasty when she goes to a hair salon, she tells the stylist to cut her hair and opens up her shirt.

_ Yo momma so nasty she gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh.

_ Yo momma so nasty the fishery be paying her to leave.

_ Yo momma so fat she hoola-hooped the Super Bowl.

_ Yo momma so fat when she wears one of those X jackets, helicopters try to land on her back.

_ Yo momma so fat she wakes up in sections.

_ Yo momma so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.

_ Yo momma so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon.

_ Yo momma so fat she's on both sides of the family.

Yo mama so fat when her beeper goes off, people thought she was backing up.

Yo mama so fat her nickname is "DAMN".

Yo mama so fat she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama so fat she has been declared a natural habitat for Condors.

Yo mamma so fat you haveta roll over twice to get off her.

Yo mama so fat she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new world.

Yo mama so fat she lay on the beach and people run around yelling Free Willy.

Yo mama so fat when you get on top of her your ears pop!

Yo mama so fat she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets.

Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave, she landed on 12th.

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too.

Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear "Caution! Wide Turn".

Yo mama so fat when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo mama so fat she fell in love and broke it.

Yo mama so fat she looks like she's smuggling a Volkswagon!

Yo mama so fat God couldn't light Earth till she moved!

Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!

Yo mama so fat whenever she goes to the beach the tide comes in!

Yo mama so fat when she plays hopscotch, she goes New York, L.A., Chicago...

Yo mama so fat she's got Amtrak written on her leg.

Yo mama so fat even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction!

Yo mama so fat her legs is like spoiled milk - white & chunky!

Yo mama so fat you have to roll her ass in flour and look for the wet spot to fuck her.

Yo mama so fat I had to take a train and two buses just to get on the bitch's good side!

Yo mama so fat she wakes up in sections!

Yo mama so fat when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo mama so fat she sat on a quarter and a booger shot out of george washington's nose.

Yo mama so fat she was mistaken for God's bowling ball!

Yo mama so fat when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!

Yo mama so fat when she bungee jumps she goes straight to hell!

Yo mama so fat when she jumps up in the air she gets stuck!!!

Yo mama so fat she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book!

Yo mama so fat that her senior pictures had to be arial views!

Yo mama so fat she's on both sides of the family!

Yo mama so fat everytime she walks in high heels, she strikes oil!

Yo mama so fat she fell and made the Grand Canyon!

Yo mama so fat she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!

Yo mama so fat that when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips!

Yo mama so fat even her clothes have stretch marks!

Yo mama so fat she has a wooden leg with a kickstand!

Yo mama so fat she has to use a VCR as a beeper!

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg, and gravy poured out!

Yo mama so fat when she rides in a hot air balloon, it looks like she's wearin tights!

Yo mama so fat she got hit by a parked car!

Yo mama so fat they have to grease the bath tub to get her out!

Yo mama so fat when she gets on the scale it says to be continued.

Yo mama so fat they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.

Yo mama so fat when they used her underwear elastic for bungee jumping, they hit the ground.

Yo mama so fat that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.

Yo mama so fat she broke her leg and gravy fell out.

Yo mama so fat the animals at the zoo feed her.

Yo mama so fat she was baptized at Marine World.

Yo mama so fat when she dances at a concert the whole band skips.

Yo mama so fat the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her.

Yo mama so fat she stands in two time zones.

Yo mama so fat it takes her two trips to haul ass.

Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.

Yo mama so fat when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps.

Yo mama so fat that she cant tie her own shoes.

Yo mama so fat sets off car alarms when she runs.

Yo mama so fat she cant reach her back pocket.

Yo mama so fat when she wears a Malcomn X T-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back!

Yo mama so fat she lays on the beach and greenpeace tried to push her back in the water.

Yo mama so fat she uses redwoods to pick her teeth.

Yo mama so fat the only pictures you have of her are satellite pictures.

Yo mama so fat she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist they spelled out boulevard.

Yo mama so fat she stepped on a rainbow and made Skittles.

Yo mama so fat she uses a mattress for a tampon.

Yo mama so fat that when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and tries to tow her back into the ocean...

Yo mama so fat that she would have been in E.T., but when she rode the bike across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse.

Yo mama so fat she hoola-hooped the super bowl.

Yo mama so fat she was baptised in the ocean.

Yo mama so fat they tie a rope around her shoulders and drag her through a tunnel when they want to clean it.

Yo mama so fat when she got hit by a bus, she said, "Who threw that rock?"

Yo mama so fat when she stands in a left-turn lane it gives her the green arrow!

Yo mama so fat that when whe was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks.

Yo mama so fat the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts!!!

Yo mama so fat we went to the drive-in and didn't have to pay because we dressed her as a Chevrolet.

Yo mama so fat she was Miss Arizona -- class Battleship.

Yo mama so fat she accidently got a 747 caught in her teeth.

Yo mama so fat to her "light food" means under 4 Tons.

Yo mama so fat The Himalayas are practices runs to prepare for her.

Yo mama so fat she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals!!!

Yo mama so fat she was zoned for commercial development.

Yo mama so fat she won "Miss Bessie the Cow 94".

Yo mama so fat she has her own brand of jeans: FA - FatAss Jeans.

Yo mama so fat she has more rolls than a mary jane truck.

Your Mom is so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs...

She has to iron her pants on the driveway.

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